Meet the Team
- Sandy: A traveler who's interested in gold, history, eggs, and technology. While he can be a hillbilly "Sweet Home Alabama"-singing pothead, he becomes seemingly friendly and intelligent when he's interested in things. Not including gold.
- Luis Jorge: A bounty hunter who quickly befriended the gold loving Sandy.
- Jeremy: Sandy's pet headcrab.
- Tylef: Sandy's second brother. Became a ghoul after drinking eight bottles of Nuka Cola.
- Can't remember the name: Luis' cousin. Drank three Bonk! Atomic Punches in one sitting. And lost his legs.
- Sandy's dad: A literal cow.
- Sandy's mother: a death claw.
- Gordon: Was mentioned by Sandy, to have found the map that led to pre-war treasure in the base.
- Lui's father: Was never around.
Sandy, a slightly intelligent gold hoarder, arrives in Dock Town for supplies and gold. He buys all the gold related objects from the ammo store, paying with a small nuke. He later steals mortar shells from the store after it's robot owner dies. However, the robot comes back from the dead and steals the shells in his sleep. Sandy wakes up and discovers them, and steals them back. The robot hears of this, and confronts Sandy with a shotgun. Luis, who he was buying memory cards from, breaks up the fight while the robot takes the shells and throws them in the sea.Sandy takes out his Spider-Man themed fishing pole and fishes up the shells, before asking Luis for the memory card. He says that Ahmed sells them, but he's "sleeping with the fishes." Sandy fishes up Ahmed and cuts off his left forearm, which contains the memory cards. Sandy says that he needs the cards to download very precious documents from a nearby military base. Luis is interested, and tags along just for the money. They head up to the base, and discuss various topics on the way up. One including that the document is the formula for "australium", which created space age moustache technology. Sandy expresses that he wants to synthesize the element, and use it to rebuild the wasteland. They eventually make it to the building, and find that the computer isn't working. Luis fixes it by turning it off and on, and finds the "top secret aussie" folder. Luis says that they need a tube of mayo, gold, and a guy named George. Luis heads off to find the mayo, while Sandy looks around in the computer and installs it's contents into the memory card. He finds two documents, the first talking about a time anomaly called "19XX" shortly after Truman's term ended, that created a country named "Wattpadia". The "Council" used the White House as an australium stockpile, and used a holographic Donald Trump as a president. While Luis says that they don't need to worry about it, Sandy disagrees, as he is writing a history book. He also finds a document that mentions Black Mesa. Luis said that they experimented with portals there, Sandy saying that the document mentions numerous portals opening all around the country, and something called the "7 Hour War". Luis suggests that this is how the Great War started. He also finds blueprints to Trump's wall. Luis then says that he found the mayo, a crate full of it. They scoop out the mayo with two empty water bottles, and Sandy assaults a soda machine, cans of soda rolling out. After collecting the data they needed (and the soda/mayo), they set out to get the mayo into a cool place.
They leave the base and head out into the wasteland, discussing stuff. They rest in an old bus before it starts raining, and Sandy's Pip-Boy radio goes out. Sandy's shotgun light stops working, and Luis acts as his only light source during the cold night.
They find an old broken down building and search the place. They find a computer filled with pictures of a nude Barack Obama, and a copy of Half Life 3. Sandy downloads the game on his Pip-Boy and destroys the computer, in fear of raiders getting fame for Gaben's work.They find an old hotel and decide to sleep there, Luis getting creeped out by the mutated goldfish in the pool. Sandy is attacked by a headcrab in the locker room, but slaps it. The crab knows who's boss, and becomes loyal to Sandy. Luis utterly hates this new alien friend. They sleep near a campfire, Sandy wanking to anime and working on his history book. Hours later, they set out again and nearly make it to the desert, but being the gold hungry man that he is, they go back for the Robloxian Bank. They attempt to find the vault but find a crashed train car, and are attacked by an eldritch being within (a hacker IRL). They both are transformed into mutants and teleport across the wasteland, and they are separated from each other. They wake up hours later, back to normal, and meet at Dock Town. They set out to, again, put the mayo in it's place, and meet a friend on the way. Soon after meeting him, he is turned into a mutant and vanishes. Spooked, they run away and find a strange outpost with an American flag. Sandy turns into an illegal alien and finds himself in the sewers, Luis meeting a strange man who visited the base.
They awakened the God.
To be continued....
- Back at home, Luis had a working radio that played the pilot episode of Seinfeld on loop.
- Sandy's radio, before it went dead, played Sweet Home Alabama on loop.
- "Lemme tell ya" - Sandy's catchphrase
- "It smells like dead goat" - Sandy
- "It tastes like dead boatfly" - Sandy
- "zoo wee mama" - Also Sandy's catchphrase
- "smells like a bag of week old fried rice" - Sandy, on the base
- "yea" - Luis
- "we need to get this mayo into a cool place ASAP" - Luis